Red
by angelwingprincess
Summary: Loving him was red, like fire, like blood... Like the world as it burned. A Successor Challenge entry


**Red**

 _Losing him was blue like I'd never known_

 _Missing him was dark grey all alone_

 _Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met_

 _But loving him was red_

~ Taylor Swift

* * *

She remembers the vivid colors of the sky. The golden hues that faded into that orange, like fall leaves, and the peek of red just over the horizon. His laugh, a sharp bark of sound in an already crowded street, his two best friends next to him.

She was only sixteen, barely just, but had the confidence in her step that many envied. She'd approached him with no fear to demand his company. He'd accepted with a mischievous glint that told her just what he expected from her invitation. A sly smile, his arm on her waist, and her own laughter as they strolled away from both of their friends to explore Timber in the dying summer light.

It became a game. One that they both engaged in. A competition to see who would give in first.

She never did give up easily, but then neither did he.

She remembers the green in his eyes, the way they'd seem to brighten just before he pursued her open challenge; catch and release, lure and retreat. A hand placed just barely too close up her thigh as she rode on his shoulders to watch the fireworks, her hand resting in his back pocket as they walked through the stands, and turning her head just enough for his attempts to kiss her to land on her cheek.

It had been the most fun she'd had since leaving Deling and she hadn't cared he was a stranger, only known that he was interested and had no clues to who she used to be.

She'd finally let him have a kiss, at the end of the night when she thought it was likely they'd never meet again. His lips had been soft but firm, not hesitant like the few kisses she'd had before escaping her father's home. Her hands had held on like she never wanted it to end, and he'd devoured her like she was the only thing that mattered.

When she thought he'd leave he chose to stay.

In the blue skies of Timber and the aftermath of night between strangers, they started their path. The first step that would alter both their lives so irrevocably that even that night would soon be no more than a painful memory.

But she'd followed her heart. That golden haired boy with his green eyes and confident smile. He made her feel like she could take on the world and she did her best to give him the peace and acceptance he craved.

The arguments with Zone when it came out that he was a Garden cadet; a mercenary in training. The heartache of watching him leave and knowing she would have to listen to his voice instead of feel his arms around her. His excitement over the upcoming SeeD exam and his plans to help the Owls.

Finding out that his friends had cautioned him about continuing… whatever it was they were. Seeing him angry for the first time, the rage in his eyes when a Galbadian soldier smacked her across the face, just for being in the way and because in Timber they could. The warmth in her chest she felt at his protectiveness, even as she grabbed his arm and told him it didn't matter.

She remembers their first time, at the beginning of July, their weeks together building up to her telling him yes and being whisked away to the only hotel in Timber. The gentleness he showed, his care and soft smiles, the sheets like silk against her skin. His face as he was sleeping, so relaxed in the aftermath that she almost cried at the difference she could see. A weight that he hid beneath bravado and charm was gone as he lay next to her and she thought then that this must be love.

She remembers the oddly vulnerable expression when she woke the next morning, so out of place on his features, as he asked her if she regretted anything, if she was still sure. His quick relief when she gave her reassurances, quickly hidden by kisses and sly fingers. A look she wanted to never see again, and vowed to show him how much he meant to her.

She remembers fighting, her shouts shrill and harsh, him giving just as good as he got. Their anger like a swift fire, as vicious as it was short lasting. Of him demanding to help her in her missions, of worrying over her safety, of trying to help her train. Him poking fun at her little crafts, of helping her with odd jobs, and the way he slowly earned the respect of the other Owls.

The weeks apart and the silence his absence left. The way she threw herself into planning and working for Timber to keep from watching the clock until he could come back to her.

Of the day he announced that the next SeeD exam was coming and he knew, knew, he'd pass this time. His sudden proposal that she hire SeeD for the Owls and Timber, that he knew the Headmaster would help her. His invitation to the ball and telling her that as a new SeeD he'd be most likely to get assigned. That he could help them and have the backing from Garden funds to do it.

Her reluctance that turned to hope, the way she held him so much tighter that night, and the way she kissed him goodbye at the train. The agonizing pain that never left her chest while she waited for the exam to be over and for him to be safe.

She wasn't a fool, and her father was a general. It was a possibility he may never come back at all, and though she hated to think of it, the longer they were separated the more she worried.

Of hearing that the graduation ball was being held and waiting to hear from him for confirmation. Of the dead silence and the way her room at the Balamb Hotel seemed empty without him. Her plans to help him celebrate and his absence from actual festivities.

That night in the ballroom was the final step in her life setting the path she'd started and changing forever. Perhaps it would have been better if they had never met at all, in the opinion of some.

She knows that those memories are precious and that the girl she was would have loved him forever, would have done anything to see him smile. And the boy he'd been would have treasured her the way he'd done that first night they spent together.

But just as she remembers the colors of the sky on the day they met, she remembers all the things after. Loving him was like fire, bright and red and full of passion; it claimed her and swept her away. When she'd thought she'd lost him, it had been like drowning. But the memories of how he was after…. Are like nightmares and jagged teeth, of blackness and cruel laughter and lightning in her veins.

She finds him in a bar, three weeks after they're brief meeting in Timber; the first they'd had since the war and two months past when her knight, her love, had left her heart broken. They were supposed to meet again but he had never showed. He is drunk and she is tired, but he still holds himself up as she guides him into the dark of the night.

She doesn't remember how, or why, she let him pin her to the door of his room, his mouth hungry and tasting of alcohol. She doesn't fully recognize her motivation as she kisses him back, only that when he says her name she forgets for a moment the years that have passed and she is sixteen again, her heart aflame.

It is not soft, not like the treasured memory she'd held as a girl. It is rough and loud and not nearly as filled with love as they'd experienced in their youth. When they are finished he holds her tightly to him and murmurs nonsense and apologies into her hair, his voice tight and weary. She is silent, hands grasping and her heart a sharp pain in her chest.

It is when he sleeps that she finally pulls away, enough to see his face. In sleep, he is the same as she remembers; his face relaxed and devoid of the weight upon his shoulders, the burden his choices have made him bear.

She weeps then, for who they were and what they are, and wonders if he will welcome her when he wakes or if their parting will be awkward and silent. They are both broken in the aftermath, two souls that had been so set on changing the world.

They had changed a great many things, but many of them were not for the better.

She brushes his hair from his eyes as he continues to sleep, his head chasing her hand even unknowingly.

The sheets are not silk, her heart is no longer filled with fire, and he is no longer her strength and confidence.

She stays, and watches as the sun pulls from the horizon to fill the world with the familiar colors of red and gold and orange, like the fall leaves.

* * *

I'd really wanted to give something for the challenge this year, but didn't have a whole lot of time. I'd mainly wanted to focus on the summer between Seifer and Rinoa, but it kind of followed it's own path there at the end. Regardless of the outcome, I'm satisfied enough to give this as a tribute, to the two in our beloved story that were really the ones who initiated a great many of the changes that were needed to push the story into motion. I also dedicate this to xirishais, whom sparked the fire in my own heart for these two and was a great inspiration as a writer and friend. I wish you the best in all things Jana, and just know that my Rinoa will always be paired with your Seifer in my mind~


End file.
